real operations research pick-up lines

Who says you can’t find love using operations research? The popularity of my last post led to a slew of hypothetical operations research pick-up lines on twitter. No one apparently had used an OR pick-up line. Ryan O’Neil came the closest. He used OR while already in a relationship: “i actually dated someone where we discussed our relationship like that. it… ended up violating monotonicity.

Thanks for your feedback and great sense of humor, tweeps!

Here is a great pick-up line from @Marianela_PC:

“hilarious! I was thinking something like: ‘you make me relax all my constraints'”

Rob Jefferson (@techstepper) came up with something similar:

“How about we go relax our constraints?”

Here are a few pick-up lines from @JohnAngelis

“Let’s go on a random walk that converges on a moonlit beach.

“I’ve searched for beauty far and wide and you are my global optimum.”

“Truly amusing. But if I ever did use a #CornyORMSPickupLine in real life, I should instantly be relegated to infeasible zone.

Matthew Saltzman (@SaltzmanMJ) found a link to Stanislaw Lem’s Cyberiad love sonnet using pure math terms:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.

I’ll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thou’lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love’s lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.

For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?

Cancel me not — for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

Ellipse of bliss, converse, O lips divine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
cuts capers like a happy haversine.

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a squared cosine 2 phi!

6 responses to “real operations research pick-up lines

  • Rick

    Many (many) years ago, I did generate some romantic heat using Fourier analysis, and the notion of orthogonality and infinite dimensional vectors, but I consider that a mathematical seduction, not an OR pickup.

  • Tallys

    I love these geeky pick up lines and love poems! Though not exactly a pick up line per se, one of my former MBA students said he successfully used my Mr. Lovr blog post (together with the romantic flower delivery spreadsheet that depicts a heart shape as a solution) to try to impress a girl. According to him, it “worked.” 🙂

  • Laura McLay

    Here are a couple more:

    Leo Lopes shared this line that he saw on an IE T-shirt: “Why date, just simulate”

    @DCWoods: “How about letting my space filling curves maximize your concave spaces?”

  • Weekly Picks « — the Blog

    […] Rock Operations Research gathers OR-flavored pickup lines – and did not forget to include Lem’s Cyberiad love […]

  • Jason

    These might work just as well with an OR crowd:

    You, me, here… this couldn’t be any better if I programmed the holodeck myself!

    Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent.’

    I may look like an Ewok, but I’m all Wookie where it counts, baby.

    You’re the Obi-wan for me.

    Yoda one for me.


  • William

    You make my anoxic sediments want to increase their redox potential.

    Are you made of Nickel, Cerium, Arsenic and Sulfur? Because you’ve got a NiCe AsS!

    Do you like Science? Because I’ve got my ion you!

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